Going, Going by dazeychic
Nineteen days late? At least it's still January, right? Happy New Year, everyone! I had intentions of getting The Name Game up today, but unexpected life, the elusive winter sun and other circumstances keep pushing it back, so keep an eye out on Friday - I promise!
In the meantime, I've been trying to get to this post since New Year's Eve, so it's time.
I have to of course start by reflecting back on 2009. What a year! My father was diagnosed with cancer and I spent most of the year caring for him. Then I got married! What a whirlwind. Despite that highlight to the year, I'm glad 2009 is over. Though things are still rocky for my Dad and we have a long road ahead, the future is looking bright and I'm optimistic that the medical issues this year will be much easier to deal with than last. It was also an amazing year in my shop, and I only have all my wonderful customers and friends to thank for that. I am thankful everyday that I am able to do what I do, and love it.
Moving forward this year, many things are about to change - big time, in regards to my life and my shop. My husband has spent the last 10 years as a stained glass artist. He builds enormous beautiful windows for churches and fixes really old ones, amongst other commercial and residential work (I'll try to post some pics of his work next week). The shop he works for is small, and mostly family. It is also time for the owner to retire. Passing the business to Tyler is the only hope for it's future, so we have been negotiating to purchase the business and the building they work in since last August. It's been a slow process and we have recently come to accept that it's probably not going to be the right decision for us. Had this all happened five years ago, things would be different, but the current state of the business and where we are in our lives, makes it too difficult. It's hard to accept, especially for Tyler, as he loves what he does and has devoted some much of himself to the shop over the past decade. Both of us being creative souls, this was a unique and exciting prospect, with many ideas for expansion, but sometimes the timing of life is just off.
Before doing this, Tyler was an Army man, 82nd Airborne. He spent most of the first year of our relationship fighting the war in Afghanistan shortly after 9-11. He is now considering rejoining the military once the shop closes, which will be soon. And I'm ok with this. It was something he loved and was really passionate about. While it does have its disadvantages, it also has a lot of advantages, as with most things in life I suppose. This would mean a move for us, which I'm also ok with. While it would be sad to leave my family and the friends we have here, I am excited for a change. Some possible locations on our map include North Carolina, Colorado and Washington state, amongst a few others.
The hardest part about this for me is the uncertainty that I feel we've been up against for months. Those who know me even a little know I'm a planner, so not knowing what we'll be doing or where I'll be living in a few months just weighs on me everyday. Along with this comes the changes more directly in my life and my shop. I had to close for a few months last year while caring for my dad and planning the wedding came to a head, and I knew once I reopened that things would not be the same. I've sadly been coming closer to the realization that I'm not going to be able to do this for much longer, at least as a career, and I think I've finally fully accepted that.
Every day Etsy grows bigger, which is a great thing, but hard at the same time. With more shoppers comes more sellers, and more copycats. More people who grossly underprice their work and make it impossible for others to keep up. That along with the current state of the economy is making life pretty darn hard over here, so I've accepted it's time for a change. Luckily I had a career I loved before doing Etsy full time, graphic design and photography, and wouldn't mind going back to it. The problem, however, circles back to the uncertainty of what is happening with Tyler. I hate to find a job or make other commitments and then up and move in a couple months.
All in all, I honestly feel a bit hopeless and helpless right now. I'm continuing to work my ass off at this, but nothing seems to help, and it's really taking a toll on me mentally and physically. I'm lost on what to do otherwise until we figure life out but just can't wait any longer. I think I'll be closing my shop soon and redirecting my focus for a bit. I'm not sure how long I will stay closed, but it won't be forever. Even if this is not my life anymore, I'll never be gone completely, I'll just change the way I do things and probably just list things as I make them. Whatever happens, I'll be sure to keep you posted in case you need a little Lillyella fix before I close the doors for a bit.
I've 'mentored' so many awesome folks over the last couple years and have to say honestly that I feel like a big hypocrite. As I tell everyone to go for their dream, I'm here thinking about throwing in the towel. But life changes and we do along with it. But who knows, I may completely change my mind tomorrow. Though while all of us have our ups and downs, I know things are different this time.
I will, however, not be taking a break here on my blog. I'm hopelessly addicted, which means it will only get bigger and better!
If you made it through all that rambling, I'm totally shocked. I don't get personal here too often, but I appreciate you listening.
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