Oh yeah, I found it.

You all know a lot about me, but one thing you probably don't know is that I'm an avid cross stitcher, always have been. I pick it up and put it down every now and then, as with most hobbies, but it's something I've always enjoyed. As my Dad's illness progressed, my interest increased again and I've been stitching like crazy.

{Prepare for sudden subject change}

Any Mad Men fans out there? I know, I know, I'm waaaaay behind on this one. Everyone's told me how much I'd love the show, but I just never never had the time to watch it, until recently. I finally picked up season one from the library and, of course, was instantly hooked. I spent 11 years in advertising and design, and have always felt like I should have been spending my prime in the late 50s/early 60s, so aside from all the smoking (sheesh!), that totally could have been my life.

I plowed through seasons one and two in less than a week's time, but it was during the finale of season 2 that my little heart skipped a beat. Anyone remember this opening shot of the scene with Betty at the doctor's office?

It was much clearer on the TV but that's a cross stitch. A mighty big one, too. And really, could it be any darn cuter?

From that moment on it became my goal to find that pattern! With the beauty of the internet these days, I figured I could do it with no problem. My hunt proved to be a little more difficult than I first anticipated but after three weeks of super sleuthing, I had that little number in my crafty little hands!

When you think about, three weeks to find a pattern from the 40s is pretty darn amazing. But we're so used to instant results that it felt like an eternity. It did take quite a bit of detective work, but it was really fun. All that matters now is that I'm ready to start stitching!

The original piece was 2 feet wide, but was stitched on 7 count fabric! I generally use 16 or 18 count fabric, so my finished piece will be quite smaller, but still big enough to really be a stunner. Best part is, this pattern has a partner, a matching buck! You bet I'm making both.

They will definitely take me some time to complete, but I'll be sure to share some progress photos and, of course, the finished pieces!

So aside from my Mother and Fawn obsession, I stitched up many cute pieces for holiday gifts using patterns I found on Etsy and am also currently working on a few for myself, with a long wishlist to follow.

I purchased this fox pattern from andwabasabi on Etsy and stitched it up for my cousins out in Seattle.

I stitched this home sweet home up from a ChezSucreChez pattern I also found on Etsy.

I'm a big fan of single color work and silhouettes, and these entomology patterns by What Delilah Did are just too cool! I purchased the bee pattern but haven't tackled it yet.

She has some fabulous photos on her flickr page here of her pieces on display. Definitely inspiring!

I also purchased these patterns a little while back from kattuna on Etsy. I've been working on them to hang in my workspace, but I've only finished the bird so far. In mustard yellow, of course :)

I stitched a couple initials from patterns from andwabisabi for holiday gifts as well. You really can't go wrong with simplicity! The one shown above is a photo from her shop and you can find patterns for almost the entire alphabet there.

These flower patterns from Artecy are on a whole different level, but something I can't wait to take on. Aren't they beautiful?

A few of my other favorite pattern sites outside of Etsy are:

Cross Stitch Art — I absolutely love their art nouveau patterns. I have four in my to-do pile.

Stitch Alley — They have a fabulous collection of letter monograms.

Pinoy Stitch — They have a huge selection of anything under the sun! This pattern is also in my to-do pile. Crazy? Just a little.

And last but not least, I have two favorite books I have to recommend for nature lovers. The first is Roses and Flowering Branches in Counted Cross Stitch. Amazing! It's on the pricier side because it's hard to find, but totally worth it. I want to stitch every pattern in the book. (I have some photos if anyone wants to see more before purchasing it!)

The second is a book I picked up from the library yesterday, Four Seasons in Cross Stitch. I don't love every pattern in the book but the four images on the cover plus some adorable mushrooms inside make it worth the $4 for a used copy.

So, who else shares my passion? And, more importantly, did anyone else out there have the same reaction when seeing that piece on Mad Men?!

happy weekend, everyone ~ xo

nine days without dad

It's been nine days since I watched my father take his last breath. The one thing I've heard almost as much as I'm sorry is that it will get easier with time. But that's not the case, at least not yet. It's just been getting harder.

It's 4:03 a.m. as I lay in bed typing this. I haven't slept in over a week and don't feel it coming anytime soon. Maybe this is normal. Maybe this is processing. Whatever it is, it just sucks. What are those five stages of grief? I can never remember how they go, but I'm pretty sure I have them out of order. I started with acceptance. I had so long to consider the possibility that my Dad would lose his battle, that finally accepting it felt so easy. Though I'm realizing now that once I accepted it, everything happened so fast and I never really processed it. Looks like acceptance will be coming back around again.

Denial and Isolation. This is the first stage, and I'm guessing a lot of family and friends may think I've been at this stage for some time, but I haven't and probably never will be. I'm just not a public crier, I prefer to cry alone, on my time, when I can truly process the feelings weeping from my eyes and get through them in my own way, rather than because someone in front of me is telling me how.

I'm starting to feel anger creep in for the first time. I've done pretty good focusing on all the amazing years we had as a family, feeling lucky for having 32 good years with my dad rather than 75 mediocre ones, but now I'm angry that he is gone.

I don't think I ever did any bargaining, though I have found myself looking up and asking my Dad to take the pain away.

4:12 a.m.

I need a kleenex. I had so much more to say but lost it somewhere on the way to the bathroom. It makes me sad to think that so many of you reading this right now can relate. It's not fair. Which may be the single most popular phrase in the world, but it's true.

I've been internally debating about taking this into religion, but that and politics are two things I purposely try to avoid here, and I just don't have the strength right now to delve that deep.

Am I going somewhere with all of this? No. We all work through things in our own way. I type, and it helps. I also buy shoes and eat peanut butter, but we won't go there.

I promise my blog won't be this depressing forever. I have this huge void in my soul but I have so much to fill it with. I will be back again, back to the person who smiles as much as my Dad did, the person he raised and the person he loved with all his heart and soul. Without even knowing it, he gave me the strength to get through this, so I damn well better.

4:30 a.m.

saying goodbye

It was almost two years ago exactly that my Dad discovered what he thought was a bug bite on his leg. He was diagnosed with Metastatic Melanoma just shy of two months later. I officially gave up my hope that he would win the fight this past December 23 and he finally lost his battle today at 7:20 am. He was 59.

The house was quiet and dark. My mom and husband were sleeping, I was at his bed side holding his hand as he took his last breath. The last two years have been hard. The last eight months have been harder. The last two weeks have been the hardest and there just aren't words to describe the last few days. But it's over, and that's what we've been hoping for. Once you know you're out of options, you just want the pain to end.

I've had a long time to prepare for this moment, and I know it's helped immensely, but it's still harder than anything really should be. I know there will be times I forget that he is gone. I'm sure to hit speedial 6 on my cell phone at least half a dozen times before it really sinks in. This has been the focus of my life for so long now, I know I'll feel some confusion in the weeks ahead. It will take some time to get into a new routine, but I have lots to keep me busy and so much to look forward to.

I have nothing but good memories though. My Dad was a super cool guy and no one would protest that. It's been really nice to get messages from school day friends remembering how cool he always was to them. I've always been thankful to my parents for helping to mold me into the person I am. They set a perfect example for me to learn the important things like a strong work ethic, how to be a good person, how to cook and how to love. Most importantly they let me figure out who I was going to be, and then let me be that person.

The services are Thursday and Friday at a beautiful memorial park near my house. Dad said he wanted it to be a party, so I hope we can make it one. I'm wearing a yellow dress, figured that was a good place to start.

I honestly would have fallen apart through all of this without the amazing support from all of you. You saved me, and I think about that every day.

I'll be back in action full steam ahead once the dust settles. Soon though. I'm ready.

xox ~ nicole

My Dad and I, 1980

In the Kitchen: Meat & Mushrooms

With my parents move into my house came many things — two more bodies, two more cats, a lot more stuff and a new presence in the kitchen. While I mostly handle the household chores (cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc), my mom does make an occasional dinner. It's usually a "childhood favorite", a meal I grew up on but just never bothered to make myself. Today, I bring you one such meal, one we creatively call Meat & Mushrooms.

If you are a regular follower of my recipe posts, you may have caught on that I am not a beef eater. There are two occasions when I eat it, and this is one. This meal is the epitome of simple, hearty goodness. Beef, onions, mushrooms — that's about it. It feels like it was transported from my grandma's kitchen in 1960 and dropped onto my counter.

Ingredients

1.5 – 2 lbs boneless top round beef steak

1 large onion, sliced

8 – 12 beef bouillon cubes

12 oz mushrooms, sliced

Flour

Water

Pepper to taste

In an electric skillet (we swear by a 30 year old Lifetime brand one), place the raw beef, sliced onion, bouillon cubes and one bay leaf (if desired). Add enough water to just cover the meat and simmer, covered, for about 4 – 5 hours or until the meat is cooked to your liking. By the way, don't be scared of the onions if you're usually not a fan. They cook away into nothing but flavor which isn't oniony and gross, but essential and delicious!

Beware, this dish will make your house smell amazing all day, therefore making you really, really hungry and possibly driving your dog (and maybe your husband) crazy.

Once the meat is done, add the mushrooms and continue simmering until the mushrooms reach your desired tenderness.

When the mushrooms are done, remove the meat and thicken the liquid to make a gravy. Mix about 3 Tablespoons flour with 1/2 cup water and add to the pan. Continue adding additional flour/water until the gravy is as thick as you'd like. Add pepper to taste, and salt if you wish, but the bouillon has enough salt to last you a lifetime! This is definitely not for those on a low-sodium diet :)

Add the meat back to the pan to heat up and you're ready to eat!

We prefer to serve this over rice with some veggies, but it's delicious with mashed potatoes, too. The gravy is so good you'll want to keep any leftovers to spoon in your morning coffee, err… well, you get it.

> Click here for a printable recipe card

And find more easy and delicious recipes here.

The year ahead (and a giveaway!)

print by laurageorge

Happy New Year, everyone! Hmmm, where to start? This may get long, so bear with me…

I thought 2009 was crazy, little did I know what I was in for in 2010. In many aspects, I have no idea what this new year will bring, though I guess that is usually the case for most people. I just happen to have every major aspect of my life hanging in the balance right now. This year I will most likely bury my father, move across the country and possibly lose my mind. But let's not jump so far ahead…

Starting with something I can control, this blog, I have some sad news. Due to the increasing demand on my time of caring for my father, I have to take a step back from blogging. I'm honestly amazed I've kept it going strong for this long. The amount of time I spend on this blog each week is just insane, but it has been a bit of a saving grace in the fact that it's something I have total control of in the midst of chaos, and I really love doing it.

My dad was admitted to the hospital in mid December due to increasing pain problems. We moved him from the hospital to a hospice facility on December 23 and brought him home (to my home) with hospice care two days ago. His cancer is spreading through his bones so fast it has more or less crippled him. He only has use of one limb, his left arm, and cannot get out of bed. He has a very large tumor on his spine which will soon crush his cord paralyzing him. He is starting gamma knife radiation today, however, and is scheduled for 8 days of treatment. It's hard to say if he will be able to handle it, but the hope is that this will slow down and shrink the growth of the bone tumors giving him a little pain relief and possibly some mobilization.

Nothing will 'cure' him at this point, so it's a matter of making him confortable, but no one knows right now whether he will live another week, another month or more, so we just continue to take it day by day. Since my 'free' time is so slim, I realized I need to devote every bit of it to doing things that, most importantly, make me money, and hopefully a few things that make me happy. This means continuing to make new jewelry when I have the time and probably some freelance design and photography work as well.

I won't be abandoning the blog completely, I just won't be blogging every day. My plan is to post at least once a week, more if I feel the urge or have the time, but to not have to worry if I don't have time at all. I'm planning to continue most of my current features and favorites so I do hope you all continue to stop in and visit. I'd like to have one Spotlight interview per month, one recipe, one craft project, a few Coutures, a contributor post and maybe some miscellaneous tidbits now and then. But you know what they say about best laid plans, so we'll just have to see how it goes :)

On a different subject, I have some fun news to share about a new adventure (which some of you already know about) but since this is getting long and I still have a giveaway to get to, I think it will have to wait another week! I know, I'm such a tease…

· · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · ·

Now onto the giveaway!

It's been way too long since I've had one and I thought it would be the perfect way to kick off the new year. Since I've never been good at picking just one winner, I'll be picking two and here's what's up for grabs…

Each winner will receive their choice of one of the following:

A Reversible Locket Necklace in gunmetal OR antiqued brass with your choice of flower color:

A custom Carved Stone Rose Bracelet in the color combination and style of your choice. Below are two examples but I will work with you to create a piece designed to your specific preferences.

A set of Filigree Fleur Rings, one brass and one silver with your choice of flower color:

HERE'S HOW TO ENTER:

Please leave a comment on this post with one of your new year's resolution, a goal for 2011 or something you would like to accomplish or change in the new year.

You can enter once per day with a new resolution or goal but you must include your first name AND your email address or Etsy username with every entry.

I'm going to leave this open until next Sunday night, January 9 at 9pm (EST), and will announce the winners on Monday.

Welcome 2011, let's make this one count!

xo ~ nicole

In the Kitchen: Glazed Lemon Cheesecake

If I could eat only one dessert for the rest of my life, anything involving peanut butter and chocolate would win hands down, but this cheesecake would be a close second. There's just something about lemon that I find irresistible no matter what the form.

This creamy, lemon-flavored cheesecake is topped with a homemade lemon curd glaze that is truly just too delicious for me to express, especially considering it requires only seven basic ingredients and is quick and easy to make.

Crust

2 1/4 cups honey graham cracker crumbs

1/4 cup sugar

2/3 cup butter, melted

Filling

3 8oz packages cream cheese, softened

1 1/4 cups sugar

3 eggs

4 Tablespoons fresh lemon juice*

1 heaping Tablespoon grated lemon peel

1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

Glaze

2 eggs

1 cup sugar

1/4 cup fresh squeezed lemon juice

2 Tablespoons grated lemon peel

6 Tablespoons butter

*You will need a total of 3-4 medium to large lemons. Zest all the lemons before squeezing.

Combine the crust ingredients in a medium bowl and press onto the bottom and 2" up the sides of a 9" springform pan. Set the pan on a baking sheet and bake at 350° for 10 minutes. Let sit on a wire rack while you prepare the filling. Keep the oven at 350°.

For the filling, in a large bowl, beat cream cheese and sugar until smooth. Add eggs and beat on low until combined. Stir in the lemon juice, lemon peel and vanilla until just blended.

Pour slowly into crust, return pan to baking sheet and bake for 40 – 45 minutes or until edges are set and center is almost set. Cool on a wire rack for 10 minutes. Carefully run a knife around the edge of the pan to loosen the crust, cool for another hour then refrigerate overnight before serving.

For the glaze, in a small heavy saucepan, whisk the eggs, sugar, lemon juice and peel until blended. Add butter and cook, whisking constantly, until mixture thickens and coats the back of a spoon. Transfer to a small bowl and cool for 10 minutes. Cover and refrigerate until chilled.

Spread glaze on cheesecake before serving or serve it on the side with slices - yum! You will have about twice as much curd as you need to glaze the cheesecake but if you don't just eat it with a spoon (trust me, you will want to), it's delicious on toast, biscuits, scones, ice cream and sugar cookies!

This dessert is rich and decadent but still feels and tastes light and refreshing because of the lemon making it the perfect ending to a heavy holiday meal or a backyard BBQ on a hot summer day.

> Click here for a printable recipe card

And find more easy and delicious recipes here.

Recap: The Holiday Goodwill Benefit

In looking back on the benefit, I hardly know where to begin. I guess the best place to start is by saying WOW! The event was a huge success. When I first heard about what was being planned, my worst fear was that no one would care and no one would come. Not that I didn't have faith in the amazing friends who were planning it, but it was all just so hard for me to process.

Despite the fact that we were hit with a notorious Cleveland blizzard that afternoon (which actually made national news), the turn out was still amazing with over 100 people attending. More than were at my wedding, funny enough! It was great seeing so many friends and family, of course, but it was the sea of unknown faces that touched me even more.

Being surrounded by so many people all at once who just wanted to help with no benefit to themselves was what really hit me the most. It's far too easy, regardless of your situation, to only notice the negative in life and in people. It's very easy to lose faith in humanity with all the horrible stories on the news, angry drivers, ornery holiday shoppers, etc. It was emotionally overwhelming to see all the faces who were there to support my family and also to see all the amazing donations that were made to the raffle and auction. Holy moly!

I received over 50 items from my online friends alone and several local businesses and individuals donated everything from gift baskets and signed sports paraphernalia to gift certificates, artwork and even a bicycle! My father works for the local grocery chain, Dave's Supermarkets, and they were extremely generous in their donations. All of the alcohol distributors they work with were also very kind so there was all sorts of fun items like coolers, vintage beer company wall decor, sweatshirts, a corn hole game and plenty of wine! A friend of my mom's from high school also donated two sailboat cruises that he and his wife charter in the Chesapeake Bay! It was just plain awesome, and people had a blast bidding on everything.

I was so busy running around, trying to talk to everyone and be the face of the family that I only had about five minutes to snap some photos. I think some other folks had cameras but I haven't had a chance to round them up yet, so I've included the few I was able to capture and may have more to share later. One of the local Embassy Suites donated use of the room and gave us the food at cost, which was delicious by the way! They even had a DJ who did an amazing job. The music was subtle at times and as the evening progressed he had people doing line dances, the YMCA and trains around the room! Considering I spend all my time caring for my dad or in the hospital these days, I can't even tell you how good it felt to be around so much happiness and fun.

I'm sure you are all asking the question right now, how much money was raised? The grand total nearly knocked me on my ass and of course, made my mother cry — over $11,000. Can you believe it? I still can't.

This will be a life saver for my family. My father has not been able to work in several months and while he still technically has his job, and insurance for now, he won't for long. My mother has been working as much as possible thanks to me being able to care for my Dad but she has not been able to work in a few weeks because my Dad has been in the hospital. While thankfully I can work from home, it's still hard for me to accomplish much any given day because of all the duties I have. Going on two years of doing this now, money has been getting pretty tight for all of us. Even with insurance, my Dad's medical bills are just plain ridiculous and his prescription medications are several hundred dollars a month.

This brings me to an update on my Dad. Up until three days before the benefit, we thought he may be able to attend, if even for a short time, but his pain became increasingly worse and some bad stomach issues forced us to admit him to the hospital where he still is now. Between me and my mom, we make sure someone is with him 24 hours a day. He is not in the ICU but needs so much assistance that the nurses don't really cover so we are always there to help him eat, go to the bathroom and decipher what the doctors are telling him. He is on so much medication that he is barely lucid most of the time.

Since him and my mom would not be able to attend the benefit, we organized a video chat between the benefit and the hospital. I brought my iMac to the event and sent the neighbors new Mac laptop to the hospital. My dad was tired and weak but we managed a virtual 'receiving line' in which guests were able to say hello to my parents and my parents were able to experience the event, sort of. I was thrilled to pieces that it actually worked out.

The biggest problem my Dad is facing right now is how quickly the cancer is spreading through his bones. He has a very bad tumor on his spine which has broken his rib and is starting to press on the cord. He also has a bad tumor on his pelvis near the where the spine connects and one in his right shoulder which is on the verge on causing a fracture. The spine tumors are of the most concern because of the pain they are causing, as well as preventing him from being able to move. They are having trouble finding the best way to control his pain right now which is why he has not left the hospital. Due to his immobility, he may need to go to a rehab facility or nursing home for some time while they try to get things under control — if they can. He is schedule for cyber knife radiation the first week in January which will hopefully shrink the tumors a bit and allow for some relief. We just continue to take it one day at a time, it's all we can do.

But enough about that, I think I need to wrap this up! I have no idea how I could ever adequately thank everyone who donated to the event and everyone who has supported me through this all, so for now I shall just continue to say THANK YOU! I can't get too sappy because when I start crying these days, I just can't stop. You will all be hearing from me personally as soon as I have a free moment and I do apologize that I've received some emails I have not answered yet. I'll be letting you all know how much your donation item raised, because that's just fun - right?

I'd love to end with a list of all the friends who donated, but I realized I should check with everyone to see if they want that to be public knowledge or not (and I hope the few pictured don't mind!), so I'll post a second follow up once I get that all together.

In closing, all I can say again, though it sounds so weak anymore, is thank you…